Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize