and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
