All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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