please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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