I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
