I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Screwed.edu
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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