She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
