Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
