OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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