you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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