he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
