I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We're too hungover to prance.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
