Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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