I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
