He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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