You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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