Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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