I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
