you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
