Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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