I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize