You made me cry and you don't even care
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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