my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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