Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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