There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
