The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
