You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
