im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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