im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
