I got chris browned last night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
