Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
