Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
