We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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