dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
