...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
