In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
