took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
