Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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