a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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