well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
where are my eyebrows?
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