so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
