just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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