Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
