hotel room ftw
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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