there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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