I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
