better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
