I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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