Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize