You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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