When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
