I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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