So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
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