hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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