and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
A+ Viking dick
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize