Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
