i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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