so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
