His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
