Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
