My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
