and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
