i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
