It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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