Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
